Sir, at Fringe Dental Practice we have always been innovative, albeit in an eclectic fashion. We were paperless before the advent of the computer, maintaining our patient notes more traditionally on tablets of stone.

As for intra-oral cameras, we had no need for these as we were very happy with our lanterna magica. An artistic dental nurse, a transparent plate and a good light source were all that was needed for the patient to see the inside of their mouth projected onto the surgery wall.

Admittedly our innovations have been inspired by creativity, as opposed to practicality. But it's important patients have choice, and I certainly offer an alternative to the norm. I am happy to say I haven't had to start excluding amalgam as I never used it in the first place. My patients were quite ready to have their teeth taken out at the first hint of a carious lesion as they were most reassured by my skills with dentures. I would be happy to share my technique. Let's just say that no chewing gum ever gets thrown away in this practice!

To get to the point of my letter, I was titillated to read that our Health and Social Care Secretary, Matt Hancock, has urged the NHS1 to follow the lead of driverless cars and start experimenting with technology, even if it does not work properly.

His visionary approach has empowered me to conduct an experiment that I have been considering for some time - the introduction of hands-free suction. This will give my dental nurse, the hard-working Mrs Barking, some time to do the other tasks I set, such as making our ground chicory coffee for elevenses. At long last some sensible advice from the Government.

My parting shot is to suggest that the CQC need to update their copy of Bradshaw's map for my area. They have so far not made it to Fringe's only dental practice for our first inspection. I look forward to seeing the sense of wonder on the inspector's face when we are eventually found.

Yours alternatively.

Note to readers

These letters have been created for the entertainment of readers in the spirit of seasonal good humour and, on the whole, are entirely fictional.