Sir, this year has been fraught with challenges, and with the festive period upon us, I fear the biggest is yet to come.

For some time now we have been aware clawback may prematurely bring an end to the festive spirit. It hampers our ability to deliver Christmas to the fullest and puts a significant strain on proceedings for the day.

The current legislation as set out by the Council of Christmas Clawback states: 'Area teams will carry out year-end reconciliations on all of its Yuletide gifts and food offerings. This is to ensure that activity is being delivered against pre-stipulated contracts and also enable the area team to ensure Yuletide activity is being commissioned accurately and in line with local festive needs assessments.

'If a contract has achieved less than 25.12% of its contracted units of activity at 31 October, the area team needs to carry out a mid-year review meeting with the contract holder. The review may be followed by an action plan to identify how contracted activity will be delivered by Yuletide or face a possible enforced withholding of festivities.

'Compliance with these policies will be monitored via the Christmas Oversight Procedural Outlet Unity Team (COPOUT).'

For a family of six – the situation I find myself in – this is an enormous challenge. The house will no doubt resemble a scene from Home Alone where Kevin McCallister booby-traps his house to keep out the persistent sticky bandits. The key difference is that we will not be home alone.

Home indemnity insurance, as a result, is through the roof, given the significant risk of sliding down the hallway on a set of roller skates left out by my youngest. Opening presents in a prompt and orderly manner is just about achievable, but with such heady targets to play with them too, I fear the Christmas cheer will soon evaporate.

I urge local communities to forgo de-icing of their driveways to make the COPOUT's job as difficult as possible.

Note to readers

These letters have been created for the entertainment of readers in the spirit of seasonal good humour and, on the whole, are entirely fictional.